Have you ever experienced betrayal?
I have. And I want to share how I have gotten over that.
Betrayal comes in many ways and forms. It can come from friends, relatives, a spouse, fellow employees, a boss, neighbors and more. When it does come it can destroy your relationship with that person. And it can turn your view of the world upside down.
When I experienced betrayal I felt mostly hurt. I felt disrespected. I felt judged. I felt angry. And even a little self righteous…How dare they…. And I became a bit more cynical and hard on the inside.
I began to be less social. I didn't feel safe to trust in new friendships because I expected them to end in pain too. I felt concerned others would take advantage of me so I did not reach out to help the way I would have in the past.
I stayed home more and told myself I was just taking time to heal and gain insight. What I was really doing was building a cave, around me.
What I really needed instead was to build a cocoon.
Let me explain myself..
The Cave
A cave is where an animal goes for safety and to hide. Yes I needed that at the time to feel safe. But there's not a lot of room for light in the cave; Light to be shed on my own thoughts and self responsibility. Light to be shed on the stories I was continuing to tell myself that kept me in the pain cycle. And light to be shed on the truth that maybe if I had listened to my intuition to begin with, I would have not allowed myself to be in this place. I would have taken a stand for myself instead.
You cannot change the past. You can however control the stories you make up about your past. While you’re in a cave those stories focus on blame, anger, regret, and resentment. These keep you in the role of victim.
The Cocoon
A cocoon however puts you into the role of victor. It is the place where you seek support, heal your wounds, and re-embody your personal power and move forward wiser and stronger than before.
When you go into a cocoon you are reminded of your innate worth and goodness. You are reminded of how pain transforms you into something even more beautiful.
In the cocoon you learn to trust again. You still believe in the goodness of others, and you allow the light to shine in fully so your beauty becomes transparent to others.
In the warmth of the cocoon you begin to feel grateful for the experiences and the lessons learned. You open yourself to forgiveness in order to free your own heart to be yourself again. (Note: Forgiveness does not excuse your betrayer's behavior. It does however keep it from destroying your own heart) You quit focusing on how you were wronged and you are reminded of what you value instead – like loyalty and commitment.
We cannot always control what happens to us. We can, however, always choose to control our own response.
"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you form that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. Your are here to be swallowed up. and when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. ~ Louise Erdrick
What will you choose? The Cave? or the Cocoon? Bitter or Better? Victim or Victor? You always get to choose.
And if you want to move from the cave to the cocoon , reach out. I'll show you how.
Yes. You Matter. And Others do too. Own Your Value. Forgive. It's all about You. And it's about being In Touch In Life.
Teresa Lea, BA NCLMBT # 1804
If you found this of value and want to find out about Teresa Lea and her work and more ways to care for yourself, go towww.InTouchInLife.com or call 336-623-9138
Dear Teresa,
I don't comment often, but i really appreciate what you have to say. Thanks for the clear way you explain things. I has been validating to read what you post as I am going through this time in my life- always growing and changing! I really believe that the work you are doing is important, and can be life changing for some people. I refer people to you sometimes. I have always been amazed at the way you helped my daughter Hannah with her chronic back pain. She only visited you once- but that was all she needed. She has not had that pain since her first visit to you. I just wanted you to know I appreciate you!
Jen Davis
Thank you so much for that Jen. I am so happy that I’ve been able to help. Would it be ok if I used your comment as a testimonial?
Beautiful…just what needed to hear today….
SO glad to hear that Anne. Delighted to be of support to you! Let me know any other ways you would like to be supported