How Are You Like Your Offender?
A few weeks ago, I was one of the sponsors and support team members for a conference for Missionary Kids who had experienced various forms of emotional, physical and spiritual abuse, domestic violence and sexual abuse.
It was a time of coming together, sharing stories and healing. It was also a time to face some really difficult things in their lives and take ownership in new (and not always easy) ways.
See, people who have experienced abuse in their past often find that the cycle of abuse continues to show up in their adult lives. This shows up in the form of destructive relationships, habits, and patterns. When this happens it easy to go into a cycle of blame and judgment towards those you hold as responsible.
When we are hurting, everything feels bigger. Rest-assured you are not crazy.
There can be a sense of despair, helplessness, and defensiveness in even the idea that there is any remote way that you may be similar to your offender. I get that. I have been there myself.
Please hear me out on this one as it may be helpful.
One of the greatest gifts, in the long run (although it did not feel like it at the time) was when one of my mentors asked me to explore ways I might be similar to my offenders. It was really hard for me to even begin to think about it. And at the time I was already not far from suicidal.
But with their help I took on the challenge. Little by little I realized:
1. How I was abusing myself (my self-talk was horrible and full of self destructive and disempowering words)
2. How I was a hypocrite in many ways
3. How I was manipulative and controlling
4. How I was still in many ways pretending everything was ok when it wasn't
5. How I was lying to myself
6. How I was unwilling to tell the truth (because of the shame I felt)
7. How I was in denial (about a lot of things in my life at the time)
8. How I was shaming and shunning myself
9. How I continued to hurt myself (with my lack of self-care)
When I began to work on those things personally, I began to heal more fully. In my own way I was unconsciously perpetuating this cycle of self abuse until I was willing to look deeper within.
I am sharing this with you because it was essential for me to explore this with the help of someone who had been there and who could see me as powerful enough to break the cycle.
If you are finding yourself repeating cycles that seem self-destructive in your own life, please reach out. I am committed to helping you break all those self-critical thoughts, self-abusive behaviors, and any unconscious sabotaging that is keeping you from knowing you are really worth what you desire.
Only when you seek support outside of yourself can you begin to really break your own self-limiting patterns and deeply reconnect with those things that are most to you in your life.
You are precious, beautiful, gifted and powerful. You are valuable. And you deserve all that your heart longs for. And only YOU have the power to make it happen.
Reach out. I'll show you how. Together we can make it happen. Contact me HERE.
Yes. You Matter. It's time to Own Your Value. It's all about you. And it's about being In Touch In life.
Teresa
I every time spent my half an hour to read this web site’s articles everyday along with a cup of coffee.