How Anxiety Stems from Lack of Trust & Anger

When I work with clients with anxiety, I first ask them to share their story.

I recently had a  client I’ll call Jess. As a child Jess felt controlled and manipulated by her parents, which left her unwilling to trust others then.. and now. Because her parents simply did not know how to express their love, she always felt insecure, unsafe, and on-edge. Like so many of us, Jess became very angry at her parents and then buried that anger deep down, locking all the other emotions with it. 

Fast forward about 20 years and Jess is still living out the same scenario in her life. Anxiety plagues her. She finds herself craving to control her environment (something she could never do as a child), and as a result she finds it hard to ask for help, she finds uncertainty terrifying and as she struggles with trusting others (and deep down herself). She is often “stuck in her head” with overthinking (another attempt to control) and can’t let herself be fully seen for fear of rejection.  

What many people don’t see at first glance is that deep down, the “emotional anchor” that is keeping Jenny stuck in this cycle is actually Anger. While there are certainly many other emotions that she has buried away, anger is one of the most important ones because it often anchors the other hidden emotions. Many times people aren’t willing to let anger go because they never EVER want a past situation to happen again. They don’t want to feel hurt, manipulated, controlled, rejected like they did when they were young, so they become angry at the source, and make a secret vow to themselves that they will control every situation to make sure that those feelings don’t come up again.  

The irony? By holding onto your anger and not letting go of the past, it is 100% guaranteed that this same story will continue to play out in your life. You will live in constant fear and defensiveness against these emotions because you are always secretly keeping them at bay – hence the anxiety. 

So the first step I had Jess do was acknowledge where she felt really angry, who she was really angry at, and why she felt the need to hold onto it. This isn’t the easiest part of my job,  but it certainly is the most rewarding. It was as if Jess had opened the doors to a whole new way of seeing the world for the first time. 

After some committed digging, she was finally able to let decades of hidden moments of anger go. Many moments with her parents, and to her surprise many more with herself. It was like unraveling a ball of yarn, slowly at first.. then letting go became her new effortless way of being.  She let go of all the feelings she thought she had to bottle up. She let go of the need to control, she let go of the need to be perfect. She began to trust – first and foremost in herself- then in others. And guess what? The anxiety naturally dissipated. She changed her entire world fairly quickly just by being willing to do the work to finally let those buried emotions go and of course to finally forgive. It was such a beautiful thing to witness.

And it was all possible because she was willing to get real with herself, and be willing to address her “scariest” emotion and embrace it- so she could let go of the pain and anxiety that constantly resurfaced for her. 

Of course this did not happen overnight. Jess saw such profound results because she was willing to commit herself to work through a program I had designed for those who were looking to uncover the source of their anxiety and perfectionism. She decided that she had enough of the disconnected relationships, “difficulty” of life, and trying so hard to be perfect all the time. She trusted herself enough to ask for help. 

So, where can you reach out for help? Anxiety is not something you are, it is an way of coping that served you when you were younger but now it’s not serving you. There are much more joyful ways of being. You can let it go, all you have to do is be willing to open that door and make a leap of faith.

If you’d like to learn more about the program that worked wonders for Jess and many others like her, you can find out more about my Straight Talk about Anger program HERE.

Have more questions? Let’s connect and have a conversation. Feel free to connect with me via email at teresalea@intouchinlife.com or 336-623-9138.

Teresa

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I’ve Never Shared This Publically Before.. (BIG Vulnerability Moment)

22 years ago, my apartment was broken into and I was gang raped. My cat, whom I had rescued the year before, defended me by clawing at and attacking the offenders while I was being held down. Bubbles risked her own life for me. Together we healed our external wounds.

Bubbles and Mari, my dog, (whom I rescued 19 years ago), were there though out my internal healing process  over the years. On the outside, I looked like I had it all: success, the lifestyle, a great relationship, friends,….but inside I felt like I was dying. What I did not know in my mind, but that my body wisely knew, was that there was more to be revealed. During the times I was suicidal, Mari and Bubbles, reminded me of what life was really about.

As memories of my childhood abuse surfaced and healed, They gave me hope and reason to live when I needed it. Their courage and example showed me how to be present and live in the NOW shamelessly.

When I was at my lowest, I used to tell  my husband that the only reason I was here on this earth was because of them.

Mari taught me what it meant to "Choose Life". 3 years ago, Within 10 Minutes of me really getting it and choosing Life FULLY, instead of just from a place of survival and protection, Mari, age 18, crossed over. Bubbles taught me to never give up on myself and to keep moving forward even when I could not see my way. (Bubbles was blind the latter part of her life.)

Yesterday Bubbles, age 24 crossed over. These 2 angels were sent to me. (And in some ways, I guess I was to them too.) They helped to show me how I could help others heal from their own history of abuse.

Today, I am proud to say that because of them and God, I have been able to help thousands of people, including leaders, professionals, and entrepreneurs, be able to heal, reconnect with their joy and purpose,  and show them how to break the cycle of burnout, anger and powerlessness to living life on their own terms with Joy.

If you are here for a purpose and know you need to break your own cycle, heal, and reclaim your life, please reach out. Either send me a personal message on my facebook, email me at teresalea@intouchinlife.com, or call me at 336-623-9138. I will assist you and show you how.

*If you found my story to be impactful, please comment on this blog below, and share this message to those you know it could benefit.

You, and Your Mission (whatever that looks like to you) Matter. And You Have Value. And You Deserve to LIVE YOUR LIFE FULLY, In Touch In Life.

Teresa

Posted in Anger, Healing, Trauma Resolution | 4 Comments »

Are you denying a part of you the right to be seen or heard?

For this blog post I want to share with you an excerpt from my Straight Talk About Anger tele-class:

When we shut down any emotion, we deny ourselves, and our bodies the right to be seen and heard.

If I am denying myself the right to feel angry or the right to feel sadness, or the right to feel joy, or the right to feel whatever it is, then I am doing to myself what was done to me long ago. Ask yourself what part of your feeling body are you denying the right to be heard or seen. Feel it. Then ask, ok – where is this really coming from?

Is it coming from the belief that children are to be seen and not heard?  Or don’t cry, suck it up. All the things that we were told that taught us at an early age to shut down our ability to feel.

Our ability to feel whatever that emotion is, is directly related to our ability to experience life fully.

And when I say experience life I don’t just mean the hard parts of life, I mean the great parts of life: the passion, the creativity, the place that makes you feel fully thriving and alive. And when we allow that place within us to be heard, to be felt into, and to be expressed, then we actually allow ourselves to heal a little more, and to reclaim more of our personal power.

And every time we do that for ourselves, that is love.

When you express yourself- all parts of yourself – the anger, the grief, the sadness, the joy, the excitement, and everything in-between, then you can really feel alive. Because then you become connected to a much deeper part of yourself, you connect more deeply with others, and you can experience life in a completely different way.

To find out more about this Tele-series and my complimentary call that dive into this deeper please go to: www.StraighTalkAboutAnger.com

You Matter and You Have Value. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions, allows you to show up and be fully In Touch In Life.

Tags: anger, belief, expression, feeling body, love
Posted in Anger, Healing, Trauma Resolution | 1 Comment »

The Expressions of Fear Part 1 – Fight or Flight

Do You Fight or Flee?

When you are in survival mode you are in the grip of fear. Yes. You read that right. Fear. You might not recognize it as fear, but never-the-less it is still fear.

And fear shows up in 4 ways: Flight, Fight, Freeze and Faint.

These are all actually good responses from our nervous system that help us deal with the unknown. However, when we get stuck in one of these we are in avoidance and our life then gets put on hold and often becomes chaotic.

In this post I will discuss the Flight and Fight response to Fear.

Flight is a form of avoidance. It can show up as:

• Addictions,

• Withdrawal from others or life,

• Creating a distraction, focusing on others at all cost….

• Anything that creates distance from whatever it is you may be afraid of or that is making you really uncomfortable.

When a person is in flight mode they are not present. If you tend to go into flight mode you can most benefit  from learning to just stand your ground. This means learning to say NO when you need to. It also means learning to make a conscious request of what you really want.

Fighting too is a form of avoidance because it doesn't always take into consideration the whole experience. It often uses anger as a defense instead of as a way to clearly define boundaries. This keeps you from being able to really express what is going on clearly. If you tend to go into fight mode, learning to use your anger as a tool do define and communicate clearly what you need is essential.

Tomorrow I will share how the Freeze and Faint Response to Fear show up.

Where have you been fleeing or fighting in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, conflict, fear, fight
Posted in Anger, Healing | No Comments »