Abuse Touches All our Lives

Live Near Eden, NC? Please Share This Valuable Resources. 

I know you haven't heard from me for a while. I have been working on a very important project that I want to share with you.

It is a special conference happening in Eden, NC this weekend.  And I would like to invite you to it. It you cannot attend, please consider donating to the non-profit organization that is supporting the event, as it’s a cause that is very close to my heart.

Light Up the Darkness: Breaking the Cycle of Abuse Conference

Location: Trinity Wesleyan Church in Eden, NC

Address: 168 East Aiken Road Eden, NC 27288

Dates: Friday, September 13th – Saturday September 14^th

http://speakingtruthinlove.org/lightupthedarkness.html

If you ever watch the news, then you know it’s no secret that abuse is a very real and prominent problem within our communities, organizations and even churches.

These incidents have gone on for years, unnoticed due to codes of silence, and lack of education on how to prevent and address signs of abuse.

This conference is designed to teach our community members, church leaders, and all interested parties how to protect those who depend on us, especially children, against abuse, and how to effectively help those who have been victimized.

Leading experts in the fields of law enforcement and child protective services will educate participants on:

·      How to prevent abuse in our families and organizations

·      How to respond to abuse allegations

·      How to help victims of abuse and their families in the healing process

The conference will also be hosting Dale and Faith Ingraham, special guest speakers from Speaking Truth in Love Ministries, a non-profit organization dedicated to preventing abuse in the faith community, and showing God’s healing ways for abuse victims and their families. You can find more information about them at their website:www.speakingtruthinlove.org.

I’m asking for your support to make this worthwhile event a success. Even if you are unable to attend, please help to spread the word by sharing this information via email and social media with those you love. You never know whose life may be changed because of it.

Again, that link to learn more about the conference is: 

http://speakingtruthinlove.org/lightupthedarkness.html

For more information about the conference please contact me, Teresa Lea at 336-623-9138 or TeresaLea@InTouchInLife.com (subject line “RE: Abuse Conference”). Together we can change the status quo of silence and shame and bring God’s love to the survivors of abuse.

Tags: abuse, conference, eden, nc
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I’ve Never Shared This Publically Before.. (BIG Vulnerability Moment)

22 years ago, my apartment was broken into and I was gang raped. My cat, whom I had rescued the year before, defended me by clawing at and attacking the offenders while I was being held down. Bubbles risked her own life for me. Together we healed our external wounds.

Bubbles and Mari, my dog, (whom I rescued 19 years ago), were there though out my internal healing process  over the years. On the outside, I looked like I had it all: success, the lifestyle, a great relationship, friends,….but inside I felt like I was dying. What I did not know in my mind, but that my body wisely knew, was that there was more to be revealed. During the times I was suicidal, Mari and Bubbles, reminded me of what life was really about.

As memories of my childhood abuse surfaced and healed, They gave me hope and reason to live when I needed it. Their courage and example showed me how to be present and live in the NOW shamelessly.

When I was at my lowest, I used to tell  my husband that the only reason I was here on this earth was because of them.

Mari taught me what it meant to "Choose Life". 3 years ago, Within 10 Minutes of me really getting it and choosing Life FULLY, instead of just from a place of survival and protection, Mari, age 18, crossed over. Bubbles taught me to never give up on myself and to keep moving forward even when I could not see my way. (Bubbles was blind the latter part of her life.)

Yesterday Bubbles, age 24 crossed over. These 2 angels were sent to me. (And in some ways, I guess I was to them too.) They helped to show me how I could help others heal from their own history of abuse.

Today, I am proud to say that because of them and God, I have been able to help thousands of people, including leaders, professionals, and entrepreneurs, be able to heal, reconnect with their joy and purpose,  and show them how to break the cycle of burnout, anger and powerlessness to living life on their own terms with Joy.

If you are here for a purpose and know you need to break your own cycle, heal, and reclaim your life, please reach out. Either send me a personal message on my facebook, email me at teresalea@intouchinlife.com, or call me at 336-623-9138. I will assist you and show you how.

*If you found my story to be impactful, please comment on this blog below, and share this message to those you know it could benefit.

You, and Your Mission (whatever that looks like to you) Matter. And You Have Value. And You Deserve to LIVE YOUR LIFE FULLY, In Touch In Life.

Teresa

Posted in Anger, Healing, Trauma Resolution | 4 Comments »

Are you denying a part of you the right to be seen or heard?

For this blog post I want to share with you an excerpt from my Straight Talk About Anger tele-class:

When we shut down any emotion, we deny ourselves, and our bodies the right to be seen and heard.

If I am denying myself the right to feel angry or the right to feel sadness, or the right to feel joy, or the right to feel whatever it is, then I am doing to myself what was done to me long ago. Ask yourself what part of your feeling body are you denying the right to be heard or seen. Feel it. Then ask, ok – where is this really coming from?

Is it coming from the belief that children are to be seen and not heard?  Or don’t cry, suck it up. All the things that we were told that taught us at an early age to shut down our ability to feel.

Our ability to feel whatever that emotion is, is directly related to our ability to experience life fully.

And when I say experience life I don’t just mean the hard parts of life, I mean the great parts of life: the passion, the creativity, the place that makes you feel fully thriving and alive. And when we allow that place within us to be heard, to be felt into, and to be expressed, then we actually allow ourselves to heal a little more, and to reclaim more of our personal power.

And every time we do that for ourselves, that is love.

When you express yourself- all parts of yourself – the anger, the grief, the sadness, the joy, the excitement, and everything in-between, then you can really feel alive. Because then you become connected to a much deeper part of yourself, you connect more deeply with others, and you can experience life in a completely different way.

To find out more about this Tele-series and my complimentary call that dive into this deeper please go to: www.StraighTalkAboutAnger.com

You Matter and You Have Value. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions, allows you to show up and be fully In Touch In Life.

Tags: anger, belief, expression, feeling body, love
Posted in Anger, Healing, Trauma Resolution | 1 Comment »

The Expressions of Fear Part 2 – Freeze or Faint

Are You Freezing or Fainting?

Yesterday I began to talk about being in the grip of fear when in survival mode. And that fear shows up in 4 ways: Flight, Fight, Freeze and Faint.

These responses from our nervous system help us deal with the unknown and are essential when used in healthy ways. However, it is common to get stuck in one of these as a way of being in avoidance. Life then gets put on hold and often becomes chaotic.

Today I will discuss the Freeze and Faint response to Fear.

Freezing is avoidance because it literally immobilizes you. There is a sense of being frozen, confused, your breathing often will almost stop and it will feel like you cannot move. If you tend to do this when feeling fear it is helpful to change positions and if possible move or stretch. Taking deep centered breathes are important as well. All these are helpful to get connected to your body and to get present.

Fainting shows up sometimes as confusion and sometimes as spaced out or just plain goofy at inappropriate times. I often hear people who do this describe it as "not being in their bodies" or lightheaded. Essentially it is a form of "spacing out" in order to avoid feeling fear. I did this in order to make light of the my deeply painful experiences as a child. It was a way to not feel or face what was really going on. Creating a physical sensation is important for Fainters to get reconnected with their bodies so that they can feel again and feel safe in feeling.

Where have you been freezing or fainting in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, faint, freeze
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | 1 Comment »

The Expressions of Fear Part 1 – Fight or Flight

Do You Fight or Flee?

When you are in survival mode you are in the grip of fear. Yes. You read that right. Fear. You might not recognize it as fear, but never-the-less it is still fear.

And fear shows up in 4 ways: Flight, Fight, Freeze and Faint.

These are all actually good responses from our nervous system that help us deal with the unknown. However, when we get stuck in one of these we are in avoidance and our life then gets put on hold and often becomes chaotic.

In this post I will discuss the Flight and Fight response to Fear.

Flight is a form of avoidance. It can show up as:

• Addictions,

• Withdrawal from others or life,

• Creating a distraction, focusing on others at all cost….

• Anything that creates distance from whatever it is you may be afraid of or that is making you really uncomfortable.

When a person is in flight mode they are not present. If you tend to go into flight mode you can most benefit  from learning to just stand your ground. This means learning to say NO when you need to. It also means learning to make a conscious request of what you really want.

Fighting too is a form of avoidance because it doesn't always take into consideration the whole experience. It often uses anger as a defense instead of as a way to clearly define boundaries. This keeps you from being able to really express what is going on clearly. If you tend to go into fight mode, learning to use your anger as a tool do define and communicate clearly what you need is essential.

Tomorrow I will share how the Freeze and Faint Response to Fear show up.

Where have you been fleeing or fighting in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, conflict, fear, fight
Posted in Anger, Healing | No Comments »

Are You Living in Survival Mode?

(Note*this blog post is part of an excerpt from my Straight Talk About Anger tele-series)

When I went to boarding school when I was younger, I ended up going through experiences in my life that shut me completely down to healing.
 

What I mean by that is that I went into survival mode. Many times when we go into survival mode we shut down our feelings, because to feel means to feel pain. And when the body goes into survival mode, it shuts down the mechanism to not only feel pain, it also shuts down the mechanism to feel joy.

As I grew older what I realized is that my numbing out was my way of survival. But there becomes a time in our live where we don’t want to live from a place of survival mode any longer, because the danger and the fear is no longer in front of us, it is only within us.

Often this isn’t a conscious thing –  but our body gives you really important clues.

If you have ever been pulled over for speeding, then you know this really well. The very sound of the sirens sends your heart racing.. and why? Because of your past experiences of receiving a ticket, your body has integrated this experience (a form of trauma) and your body is reacting out of survival mode in the face of the danger of a ticket.

So the question then becomes, are you LIVING out of survival mode?

Because there is a distinction with LIVING out of survival mode. When you consistently re-act to situations with the same behaviors such as shutting down, becoming angry, avoidance, brushing feelings or situations under the rug, etc. then the question you may want to ask is.. do you want to live that way?

If you are living out of survival mode (and I was for quite some time through my own anger), there is something really important to recognize. It is not your fault. Each one of us has a survival mode that was created at a time that we needed to cope with a traumatic experience. It was necessary at that time to create a way to deal with whatever we were facing. The thing is this survival mode may not be serving you anymore.

In order to face life, Awareness is the first step. So I challenge you to really ask yourself:

“ where have I been living in survival mode in my life?” Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: anger, fear, numb, survival mode, trauma
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | 2 Comments »

Accepting Life does NOT mean Giving Up or Giving In

You Can Choose to Accept Life or Avoid It

I often hear the phrase "It is what it is." Personally, I do not like this phrase as it often has a sense of giving up. The truth is more stated through "It was what it was." In the same respect, Accepting life is similar.

In yesterday’s blog I talked about moving out of avoidance of life to being able to face life. That is where acceptance comes in. Accepting life, in this case, is about harmonizing with life.  It's about not only facing life situations head on but then integrating what you are facing in a way that creates understanding and the opportunity to choose consciously.

When you accept and face your feelings they no longer have control of your life. You can begin to accept and face what you feel and use the feelings as a discovery tool to know the truth and acknowledge what it is you are missing in or really desiring in your life.

Each feeling has value and a message for you.

When you are in avoidance of feeling, or stuck in a feeling, you put your life on hold and deny yourself the happiness that is available for you.

When working with my clients, I guide them to face their fears of not feeling safe to feel and live through their body. Through gentle and non invasive methods a discovery happens that allows them to reclaim their lives and live purposefully and with passion.

What feelings have you been avoiding and why?

Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

You and Your Choices Matter. And You Have Value!  Face your fears and let yourself feel! It's all about You and it's about being In Touch In Life.

Tags: acceptance, avoidance, choice, fear
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Is Life Happening TO You or FOR You?

What if life is not happening TO you but instead it is happening FOR you?

Life happens. And the perspective you take can determine whether you feel powerless or empowered in your life.

With every experience you have you are being given the opportunity to face life head on or to avoid it. Whichever you choose determines the outcome and the following experiences you have.

If, however, you take the position that life is happening FOR you then you face life, using each experience to grow and heal.

Facing life can feel a little uncomfortable at first because it requires looking at yourself and where you are responsible and accountable. However, facing life is the path to living your life fully the way you really want to, living purposefully and with passion.

In the next few Blogs I will address more how avoidance happens and how facing yourself leads to feeling fulfilled.

When in victim mode and avoidance you cannot see your blind spots. When facing life head on having a reflection that you are on the right path for you is of value. Having a mentor, coach, guide or healer to be with you on the path can assist in speeding the process of moving to wholeness. My clients choose me to fill these roles when they need extra support. Do you need extra support in any of these areas? If so, I'd love to have a conversation with you. Please feel free to contact me via email at teresalea@intouchinlife.com or call me at 336-623-9138.

How are you seeing life happen to you or for you? Are you avoiding life or facing life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

You and Your Choices Matter. And You Have Value!  Viewing life as happening FOR you , instead of TO you, allows you to show up and be fully In Touch In Life.

Tags: accountability, Empowerment, healing, victim
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | No Comments »