The Expressions of Fear Part 1 – Fight or Flight

Do You Fight or Flee?

When you are in survival mode you are in the grip of fear. Yes. You read that right. Fear. You might not recognize it as fear, but never-the-less it is still fear.

And fear shows up in 4 ways: Flight, Fight, Freeze and Faint.

These are all actually good responses from our nervous system that help us deal with the unknown. However, when we get stuck in one of these we are in avoidance and our life then gets put on hold and often becomes chaotic.

In this post I will discuss the Flight and Fight response to Fear.

Flight is a form of avoidance. It can show up as:

• Addictions,

• Withdrawal from others or life,

• Creating a distraction, focusing on others at all cost….

• Anything that creates distance from whatever it is you may be afraid of or that is making you really uncomfortable.

When a person is in flight mode they are not present. If you tend to go into flight mode you can most benefit  from learning to just stand your ground. This means learning to say NO when you need to. It also means learning to make a conscious request of what you really want.

Fighting too is a form of avoidance because it doesn't always take into consideration the whole experience. It often uses anger as a defense instead of as a way to clearly define boundaries. This keeps you from being able to really express what is going on clearly. If you tend to go into fight mode, learning to use your anger as a tool do define and communicate clearly what you need is essential.

Tomorrow I will share how the Freeze and Faint Response to Fear show up.

Where have you been fleeing or fighting in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, conflict, fear, fight
Posted in Anger, Healing | No Comments »

Are You Living in Survival Mode?

(Note*this blog post is part of an excerpt from my Straight Talk About Anger tele-series)

When I went to boarding school when I was younger, I ended up going through experiences in my life that shut me completely down to healing.
 

What I mean by that is that I went into survival mode. Many times when we go into survival mode we shut down our feelings, because to feel means to feel pain. And when the body goes into survival mode, it shuts down the mechanism to not only feel pain, it also shuts down the mechanism to feel joy.

As I grew older what I realized is that my numbing out was my way of survival. But there becomes a time in our live where we don’t want to live from a place of survival mode any longer, because the danger and the fear is no longer in front of us, it is only within us.

Often this isn’t a conscious thing –  but our body gives you really important clues.

If you have ever been pulled over for speeding, then you know this really well. The very sound of the sirens sends your heart racing.. and why? Because of your past experiences of receiving a ticket, your body has integrated this experience (a form of trauma) and your body is reacting out of survival mode in the face of the danger of a ticket.

So the question then becomes, are you LIVING out of survival mode?

Because there is a distinction with LIVING out of survival mode. When you consistently re-act to situations with the same behaviors such as shutting down, becoming angry, avoidance, brushing feelings or situations under the rug, etc. then the question you may want to ask is.. do you want to live that way?

If you are living out of survival mode (and I was for quite some time through my own anger), there is something really important to recognize. It is not your fault. Each one of us has a survival mode that was created at a time that we needed to cope with a traumatic experience. It was necessary at that time to create a way to deal with whatever we were facing. The thing is this survival mode may not be serving you anymore.

In order to face life, Awareness is the first step. So I challenge you to really ask yourself:

“ where have I been living in survival mode in my life?” Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: anger, fear, numb, survival mode, trauma
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | 2 Comments »

Accepting Life does NOT mean Giving Up or Giving In

You Can Choose to Accept Life or Avoid It

I often hear the phrase "It is what it is." Personally, I do not like this phrase as it often has a sense of giving up. The truth is more stated through "It was what it was." In the same respect, Accepting life is similar.

In yesterday’s blog I talked about moving out of avoidance of life to being able to face life. That is where acceptance comes in. Accepting life, in this case, is about harmonizing with life.  It's about not only facing life situations head on but then integrating what you are facing in a way that creates understanding and the opportunity to choose consciously.

When you accept and face your feelings they no longer have control of your life. You can begin to accept and face what you feel and use the feelings as a discovery tool to know the truth and acknowledge what it is you are missing in or really desiring in your life.

Each feeling has value and a message for you.

When you are in avoidance of feeling, or stuck in a feeling, you put your life on hold and deny yourself the happiness that is available for you.

When working with my clients, I guide them to face their fears of not feeling safe to feel and live through their body. Through gentle and non invasive methods a discovery happens that allows them to reclaim their lives and live purposefully and with passion.

What feelings have you been avoiding and why?

Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

You and Your Choices Matter. And You Have Value!  Face your fears and let yourself feel! It's all about You and it's about being In Touch In Life.

Tags: acceptance, avoidance, choice, fear
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | No Comments »

Are You Avoiding Life?

Avoiding Life or Facing Life?

Did you know that memory is created through feelings? Life is experienced through our senses and feelings. And if you shut yourself down to feelings you shut yourself down to life and remembering it. Even something as simple as this. Do you remember what you ate for dinner 2 days ago? How about what you were doing at 6 PM two Saturdays ago?

Here are some ways not being connected to your feelings may show up:

• If there is not an emotional connection to your experience of life, You may not be remembering as well as you'd like.

• You may be finding that you aren't as happy and creative as you would like to be.

• If the emotional experience is extremely high then you may shut down from feeling in order to feel safe.

• You may find yourself stuck in a particular emotion such as anger, worry, or grief (I know this from experience).

If any of the above are showing up, it is highly likely that you are in avoidance of Life and taking the position that life is happening TO you. And whenever you are in avoidance there is something you're afraid to face. It could be a feeling that you have been having. It could be a experience from the past. It could be somewhere in your life where you don't want to face the truth or where you are not following through on your commitments.

By looking at these areas of your life head on and facing them you have the chance to move out of avoidance and begin to really live your life.

What are you avoiding in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, commitment, fear, feelings, memory loss
Posted in Trauma Resolution | No Comments »

Is Life Happening TO You or FOR You?

What if life is not happening TO you but instead it is happening FOR you?

Life happens. And the perspective you take can determine whether you feel powerless or empowered in your life.

With every experience you have you are being given the opportunity to face life head on or to avoid it. Whichever you choose determines the outcome and the following experiences you have.

If, however, you take the position that life is happening FOR you then you face life, using each experience to grow and heal.

Facing life can feel a little uncomfortable at first because it requires looking at yourself and where you are responsible and accountable. However, facing life is the path to living your life fully the way you really want to, living purposefully and with passion.

In the next few Blogs I will address more how avoidance happens and how facing yourself leads to feeling fulfilled.

When in victim mode and avoidance you cannot see your blind spots. When facing life head on having a reflection that you are on the right path for you is of value. Having a mentor, coach, guide or healer to be with you on the path can assist in speeding the process of moving to wholeness. My clients choose me to fill these roles when they need extra support. Do you need extra support in any of these areas? If so, I'd love to have a conversation with you. Please feel free to contact me via email at teresalea@intouchinlife.com or call me at 336-623-9138.

How are you seeing life happen to you or for you? Are you avoiding life or facing life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

You and Your Choices Matter. And You Have Value!  Viewing life as happening FOR you , instead of TO you, allows you to show up and be fully In Touch In Life.

Tags: accountability, Empowerment, healing, victim
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | No Comments »

War or Kindness?

I was working with a client the other day and when she began sharing how much her life had changed as a result of our work together I found myself minimizing my part in it. It is my belief that I don't heal anyone. I DO, however, facilitate setting up all aspects of your BodyMindSpirit to be balanced in a way that healing can happen on all levels.

She kept insisting I take credit. As I thought about this later I had a realization. I was afraid that by taking credit that I would be disempowering her right and ability to heal herself. As I dug deeper, I then realized that by NOT allowing myself to be recognized and honored in that situation I was actually disempowering myself and dishonoring the gifts that I bring to facilitate deep healing and changes in the lives of the people I serve. Hmmmm…

Bear with me just a little bit more, please. My curiosity got me to explore further and what emerged was that there was a deeper belief that led me to realize I was afraid. Afraid that if I did take credit in any way that others would expect me to be responsible for their healing and wholeness. And if miracles did not happen for them then they would blame me.

I know this all sounds crazy. And, truthfully, it is crazy making. But I do have a point here. Any time that crazy making is happening in a way that manifests as fear, or judgment is the same as making war with yourself. Kindness towards yourself, instead is about owning your gifts and value and self respect. It's about being willing to be seen and heard and allowing others to be responsible for themselves by being responsible for yourself.

Do you spend the day being at war with yourself or being kind to yourself?

Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: empowering, fear, healing, self respect, self value
Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Interested? or Committed?

Where In Your Life Are You Merely Interested?

One of my mentor's often asks me, "Teresa, are you merely interested or are you committed?" For example, let's take writing and submitting to this blog.

For the last couple of years I have been wanting to write, even came up with great topics in my head. And I sometimes even took the time to write those into a journal or word document. In spite of all of those actions, I was maintaining being interested.  

Taking on this 30 day blog challenge, though, is completely different. It is a commitment. And you will know I am committed because you will see posts showing up to account for every day of April.

Commitment requires action that is measurable. Being interested does not. Where in your life have you been interested but really want to be committed? Your health? Your relationships? Your business? Your playtime?

Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

You and Your Choices Matter. And You Have Value!  And It takes moving from being interested to instead being committed to yourself to show up and be fully In Touch In Life.

Tags: blog challenge, choices, commitment, in touch in life, teresa lea
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

April Fool’s? Nope!

Time to Show Up- Taking on the Blog Challenge

I can hardly believe what I just did! I just agreed to do a 30 day blog challenge. Yes. Me. The person who has hesitated at putting myself out there and sharing my thoughts and insights and beliefs, whether they are thought provoking, silly, insightful, inspirational or whatever.

Even though I have had this set up to do, I have let other things take priority and not used this tool as a way to serve like I desire.

Part of being In Touch and In Life is about Fully Living and Fully Showing Up. I've been hiding out by not letting myself be seen and heard in ways that I can make an even bigger difference.

I'm wondering if I am playing a huge April Fool's day joke on myself. NO. I AM NOT. I must say, though, that there is a part of me that is terrified as well as a part of me that is really excited. Who knows what will come out of it?

If nothing else, I will get in the practice of sharing with each of you and no longer procrastinating doing so. Some of these will be writing and some will be videos. Please post your comments and thoughts below about what would interest you in these blogs, I want to share my voice and hear yours as well!

SO… here's to showing up more FULLY for you and I … It's all About Being In Touch In Life.

Tags: blog challenge, hiding, procrastination, showing up, teresa lea, voice
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

3 Steps To A Deeper Commitment

What is Your Commitment To Yourself? 

Each year I like to choose a one word or one sentence theme that acts as my guiding inspiration to living the life that I want throughout the entire year. There is something moving about choosing only one word or one sentence that guides my decisions and allows me to link myself into the law of attraction.

This year, I have decided that my word is commitment.

This means commitment to myself, commitment to my clients, and commitment to those whose lives I can make a difference in. Commitment is key to creating the conditions for real change in all of life: body, mind, spirit and soul. And it is Commitment which allows us to hold ourselves accountable to achieve what we really want and recognize our own strength and value.

In order for commitment to create sustainable and purposeful change you must create the conditions in which this commitment can be played out.

Here are 3 quick suggestions to get you started: 

1- Recognize what you truly want to change in your life and in yourself and be specific! (i.e. if it is to lose weight, how much and in what amount of time?)

2- Ask for help. Ask for help from those who support you and your goals. They will want you to succeed. All of our greatest accomplishments can be largely accredited to the numerous people who have helped us achieve it. 

3- Create a Structure for Success: Commit to a program or activity at specific time intervals and keep a journal so you can track your progress. By setting up a structure that you can succeed in, you not only hold yourself accountable, but you can create a way for you to begin to fulfill your hidden potential in your health, your emotional well-being, and in our lives as a whole.

So, I want to know.. what is your commitment? It may be a new commitment, or perhaps it is a commitment that has fallen by the wayside and you wish to re-commit to. My commitment is to you, and to supporting you to have the health, relationships and life of your dreams! Please know that I am here to support you in your journey to achieve all that you desire.

Because it really is all about being committed to be In Touch In Life

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

When Life Happens

When You're Stressed, Stop And Take A Breath

Life happens.

And often with life comes stress or fatigue of the body, mind, or spirit.

Did you know that when it comes to coping with stress overload and fatigue your breath is one of the best remedies there is?… and it’s free! It is the safest, most effective, and inexpensive remedy and it is right at hand whenever you find yourself in either if these conditions.

And Breathing Meditation is one of the most important practices of Yoga. As yogis have known for centuries – and as medical science is discovering – the breath has amazing recuperative powers. By controlling the breath (a practice called pranayama), the yogis found, they could alter their state of mind and the state of their bodies. These effects were created primarily by slowing and regularizing the breath.

This engages what scientists call the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body that is responsible for calming and soothing you.

So, you may be asking "How does slower breathing help?" In stressful times, we typically breathe too rapidly or we hold our breath. Oxygen then builds up in the bloodstream and the relative amount of carbon dioxide decreases. This condition can result in muscle twitching, nausea, irritability, lightheadedness, confusion, and anxiety.

Just paying attention to and watching the breath immediately initiates the chain of changes in it. First, it slows down. As it slows, its’ ragged movements smooth out. As the breath smoothes out, the space it occupies in the body increases.

As you practice paying attention to the breath, let it be deep and full, so each breath cycle expands and contracts the height, width, and depth of the whole torso.

So remember, Inhale fully, Exhale fully, and the body, mind, and spirit will Relax. Or as one of my mentors, Dov Baron, says, “Exhale Fully First”. Completely empty the lungs and the diaphragm out. This then allows you to truly and completely be able to take in the desired full inhale and to then be able to fully exhale and start the cycle again, getting connected to this present moment and what is happening now.

This can be a really powerful reminder if you let it. When we recognize our breath, we recognize that we are human. We become connected to the moment, and we allow ourselves to create a closer connection to ourselves, which opens up the doorway for deeper healing in all areas of our life. 

I want to know… What helps you slow down, take a breath and get connected? For me one of the most powerful things is Yoga. When I asked my assistant, she actually told me she has a specific song, so I thought you may enjoy so here's the link (it's appropriately called "Just Breathe": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyut3GyQtn0

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »