The Expressions of Fear Part 1 – Fight or Flight

Post Date: April 8th, 2013

Do You Fight or Flee?

When you are in survival mode you are in the grip of fear. Yes. You read that right. Fear. You might not recognize it as fear, but never-the-less it is still fear.

And fear shows up in 4 ways: Flight, Fight, Freeze and Faint.

These are all actually good responses from our nervous system that help us deal with the unknown. However, when we get stuck in one of these we are in avoidance and our life then gets put on hold and often becomes chaotic.

In this post I will discuss the Flight and Fight response to Fear.

Flight is a form of avoidance. It can show up as:

Addictions,
Withdrawal from others or life,
Creating a distraction, focusing on others at all cost….
Anything that creates distance from whatever it is you may be afraid of or that is making you really uncomfortable.

When a person is in flight mode they are not present. If you tend to go into flight mode you can most benefit from learning to just stand your ground. This means learning to say NO when you need to. It also means learning to make a conscious request of what you really want.

Fighting too is a form of avoidance because it doesn't always take into consideration the whole experience. It often uses anger as a defense instead of as a way to clearly define boundaries. This keeps you from being able to really express what is going on clearly. If you tend to go into fight mode, learning to use your anger as a tool do define and communicate clearly what you need is essential.

Tomorrow I will share how the Freeze and Faint Response to Fear show up.

Where have you been fleeing or fighting in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, conflict, fear, fight
Posted in Anger, Healing | No Comments »

Are You Living in Survival Mode?

Post Date: April 7th, 2013

(Note*this blog post is part of an excerpt from my Straight Talk About Anger tele-series)

When I went to boarding school when I was younger, I ended up going through experiences in my life that shut me completely down to healing.

What I mean by that is that I went into survival mode. Many times when we go into survival mode we shut down our feelings, because to feel means to feel pain. And when the body goes into survival mode, it shuts down the mechanism to not only feel pain, it also shuts down the mechanism to feel joy.

As I grew older what I realized is that my numbing out was my way of survival. But there becomes a time in our live where we don’t want to live from a place of survival mode any longer, because the danger and the fear is no longer in front of us, it is only within us.

Often this isn’t a conscious thing – but our body gives you really important clues.

If you have ever been pulled over for speeding, then you know this really well. The very sound of the sirens sends your heart racing.. and why? Because of your past experiences of receiving a ticket, your body has integrated this experience (a form of trauma) and your body is reacting out of survival mode in the face of the danger of a ticket.

So the question then becomes, are you LIVING out of survival mode?

Because there is a distinction with LIVING out of survival mode. When you consistently re-act to situations with the same behaviors such as shutting down, becoming angry, avoidance, brushing feelings or situations under the rug, etc. then the question you may want to ask is.. do you want to live that way?

If you are living out of survival mode (and I was for quite some time through my own anger), there is something really important to recognize. It is not your fault. Each one of us has a survival mode that was created at a time that we needed to cope with a traumatic experience. It was necessary at that time to create a way to deal with whatever we were facing. The thing is this survival mode may not be serving you anymore.

In order to face life, Awareness is the first step. So I challenge you to really ask yourself:

“ where have I been living in survival mode in my life?” Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: anger, fear, numb, survival mode, trauma
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | 2 Comments »

Accepting Life does NOT mean Giving Up or Giving In

Post Date: April 6th, 2013

You Can Choose to Accept Life or Avoid It

I often hear the phrase "It is what it is." Personally, I do not like this phrase as it often has a sense of giving up. The truth is more stated through "It was what it was." In the same respect, Accepting life is similar.

In yesterday’s blog I talked about moving out of avoidance of life to being able to face life. That is where acceptance comes in. Accepting life, in this case, is about harmonizing with life. It's about not only facing life situations head on but then integrating what you are facing in a way that creates understanding and the opportunity to choose consciously.

When you accept and face your feelings they no longer have control of your life. You can begin to accept and face what you feel and use the feelings as a discovery tool to know the truth and acknowledge what it is you are missing in or really desiring in your life.

Each feeling has value and a message for you.

When you are in avoidance of feeling, or stuck in a feeling, you put your life on hold and deny yourself the happiness that is available for you.

When working with my clients, I guide them to face their fears of not feeling safe to feel and live through their body. Through gentle and non invasive methods a discovery happens that allows them to reclaim their lives and live purposefully and with passion.

What feelings have you been avoiding and why?

Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

You and Your Choices Matter. And You Have Value! Face your fears and let yourself feel! It's all about You and it's about being In Touch In Life.

Tags: acceptance, avoidance, choice, fear
Posted in Healing, Trauma Resolution | No Comments »

Are You Avoiding Life?

Post Date: April 5th, 2013

Avoiding Life or Facing Life?

Did you know that memory is created through feelings? Life is experienced through our senses and feelings. And if you shut yourself down to feelings you shut yourself down to life and remembering it. Even something as simple as this. Do you remember what you ate for dinner 2 days ago? How about what you were doing at 6 PM two Saturdays ago?

Here are some ways not being connected to your feelings may show up:

If there is not an emotional connection to your experience of life, You may not be remembering as well as you'd like.

You may be finding that you aren't as happy and creative as you would like to be.

If the emotional experience is extremely high then you may shut down from feeling in order to feel safe.

You may find yourself stuck in a particular emotion such as anger, worry, or grief (I know this from experience).

If any of the above are showing up, it is highly likely that you are in avoidance of Life and taking the position that life is happening TO you. And whenever you are in avoidance there is something you're afraid to face. It could be a feeling that you have been having. It could be a experience from the past. It could be somewhere in your life where you don't want to face the truth or where you are not following through on your commitments.

By looking at these areas of your life head on and facing them you have the chance to move out of avoidance and begin to really live your life.

What are you avoiding in your life? Please let me know by commenting below. I'd really like to hear.

Tags: avoidance, commitment, fear, feelings, memory loss
Posted in Trauma Resolution | No Comments »

War or Kindness?

Post Date: April 3rd, 2013

I was working with a client the other day and when she began sharing how much her life had changed as a result of our work together I found myself minimizing my part in it. It is my belief that I don't heal anyone. I DO, however, facilitate setting up all aspects of your BodyMindSpirit to be balanced in a way that healing can happen on all levels.

She kept insisting I take credit. As I thought about this later I had a realization. I was afraid that by taking credit that I would be disempowering her right and ability to heal herself. As I dug deeper, I then realized that by NOT allowing myself to be recognized and honored in that situation I was actually disempowering myself and dishonoring the gifts that I bring to facilitate deep healing and changes in the lives of the people I serve. Hmmmm…

Bear with me just a little bit more, please. My curiosity got me to explore further and what emerged was that there was a deeper belief that led me to realize I was afraid. Afraid that if I did take credit in any way that others would expect me to be responsible for their healing and wholeness. And if miracles did not happen for them then they would blame me.

I know this all sounds crazy. And, truthfully, it is crazy making. But I do have a point here. Any time that crazy making is happening in a way that manifests as fear, or judgment is the same as making war with yourself. Kindness towards yourself, instead is about owning your gifts and value and self respect. It's about being willing to be seen and heard and allowing others to be responsible for themselves by being responsible for yourself.

Do you spend the day being at war with yourself or being kind to yourself?